Does the desire need to be mutual to be so potent?
I realized on one of several train rides this weekend that many of my relationships have been a monologue. I think I held on to my sense of what could develop, rather than what was necessarily present. And in one relationship in particular, I felt an underlying anxiety that my boyfriend would disappear. Ultimately, he did leave in a way that felt like complete abandonment.
At this specific moment, I have no desire to date. I am bored by the dynamics of dating, and I am tired of being on uncertain ground. I am tired of waiting for something to develop.
I have always hoped I could become very good friends with a man and have the relationship transition to being romantic within a period of a few months of getting to know each other.
Readers, I will share this with you when it happens, I promise.