Sunday, November 1, 2009

Towards Bliss

Can desire for another person light us up from inside and give us a sense of purpose?

Does the desire need to be mutual to be so potent?

I realized on one of several train rides this weekend that many of my relationships have been a monologue. I think I held on to my sense of what could develop, rather than what was necessarily present. And in one relationship in particular, I felt an underlying anxiety that my boyfriend would disappear. Ultimately, he did leave in a way that felt like complete abandonment.

At this specific moment, I have no desire to date. I am bored by the dynamics of dating, and I am tired of being on uncertain ground. I am tired of waiting for something to develop.

I have always hoped I could become very good friends with a man and have the relationship transition to being romantic within a period of a few months of getting to know each other.

Readers, I will share this with you when it happens, I promise. 


  1. Desire for another person is what gives me purpose, energy, excitement, bliss and hope. When you think about it it's natural and sad at the same time.

  2. So, without desire, do we lack excitement and hope? What if our desire isn't returned? Is that what you mean by sad and natural at the same time?

  3. It's natural because everyone needs someone. It's sad for me because I need it too much. Nothing else in life comes close to the bliss I get from receiving attention from someone I desire. Like the Sirens from The Odyssey, I'm ready to dive off the boat and crash onto the rocks just to get closer to them, but such desire ends in death.

  4. You'll find someone one day and they'll find you.

  5. Yes, Andrew, I think that is exactly how it goes...we need to find someone who finds us.

    Flying Haystacks, hang in there!

  6. I always say that unrequited love is like having a really excellent song stuck in your head-- irritating, almost excruciating, but also kind of great. You kind of want it to stop, you kind of want it to keep going, but mostly you just want to listen to the song.