Oh, Facebook. We never met, but...

"Visual assault of your Facebook
photos the morning after we
didn't meet. Your flimsy excuses
and unrepentant arrogance.

"Piecing him together from
Facebook and OkCupid photos.
We never met, yet I almost ended
up at his apt one night..."

Embroidery, watercolor, and
appliqué. 2013. 6" x 4.5"

Another piece for my December 13th show with Muriel Guepin Gallery. Stay tuned for opening reception and exhibition details!

On my 37th birthday...

This past Saturday, I turned 37. Do you know, dear blog readers, that I am a fraternal twin? I celebrated with my twin brother, Simon, our parents, and lots of friends. It was a great day.


Here are some pieces I made a few days beforehand. They don't specifically relate to my feelings about gaining another year. They simply reference some of my most recent dates and interactions. This is one of the best birthdays yet. I can feel 40 coming up, and I am excited for that, and for the intervening road and years.

The New York dating scene

Word on the street here in Brooklyn is that the male-female ratio in New York City favors men, creating an environment where men have the upper hand in dating relationships, and can "get away with" unkind behavior. Is this true? I don't know, but I do know that dating does not always inspire the most truthful interactions. By truthful, I mean being true to one's heart.

Art review by dating coach, Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman

A big thanks to Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman for a review of my "Were I So Besotted" artwork on the the New York Love Examiner: http://www.examiner.com/examiner/x-2473-NY-Love-Examiner~y2010m2d2-The-Art-of-Dating-Expressing-dating-lessons-through-art.

Paulette is a dating coach and author of "Dating from the Inside Out: How to Use the Law of Attraction in Matters of he Heart."

After seeing my work in Muriel Guepin Gallery in Cobble Hill, Brooklyn, Paulette contacted me on Facebook, and we spoke briefly by phone. She then crafted this lovely review.

 

In love 4ever

"you and me in love 4ever"

"He treats 

women like 

commodities 

he can interchange."

New "post-its," sweet and savory

"Oh, you play me so well, I'm always three steps back, a cat chasing my tail, trying to guess at your latest transgression, when all I want is to love you and only you."

Your game is the gift that keeps me tied to you. (This is fictitious, don't worry, readers.)

Your Place

"I carry you with me everywhere.

You will always have a place inside me."

He Left Me Standing

In my late twenties, a year out of a relationship, I met someone who absolutely captivated me. He was a writer, and was lustful, imaginative, and emotionally unstable. 

Our dating relationship was brief. He both pulled me in and pushed me away. He said one thing and did another. It was a classically bad situation, a waste of my energy, and a waste of an otherwise brilliant guy.

"I wanted him to spend the night. He grabbed my shoulders and said, "In you is everything you need to be happy," and left me standing alone in the doorway.

He practically made me sign a contract

Two new "post-its":

"He practically made me sign a contract before we had sex. He wanted to make sure I wouldn't flip out if I saw him with another woman."

"I'm mourning the relationship we never had, and thinking of the ways I would have loved you."

Seeing old friends can feel a bit like dating

Yesterday, I sat at my desk all day too excited to focus on designing. I was looking forward to a mini-reunion with my very best girl friends from summer sleep-away camp. The last time I had seen one of my friends was literally 20 years ago, so this meeting seemed freighted with meaning. 

Aside from the fact that one friend is 40 weeks pregnant, both friends were instantly recognizable. We all agreed that our basic personalities had not changed much, either, leading us to wonder if we really are essentially formed by the time we reach our pre-teens.

So why was I so nervous about this dinner? The same sorts of thoughts that run through my mind when I am about to go on a date accosted me yesterday afternoon: What if there's nothing to talk about? What if we no longer have anything in common? What if we just don't get along?

Having done a lot of internet dating, I became used to the experience of excitement tinged with relief and disappointment. I essentially went on numerous blind dates that I myself set up. 

Yesterday evening was absolutely wonderful. I was reunited with friends I love and share wonderful memories with. This was absolutely nothing like a blind/internet date. This was a reunion of the best sort.

I tend to think that eventually I will have this feeling with a man. It may not happen the day we meet or for several months, but eventually I think he will feel like someone I've always known and will always want in my life.

L'chaim!

P.S. The piece above is in the collection of Karey Mackin.

Season Tickets

Embroidery on fabric. 2009. 4" X 4.25"

You're my main meal

"I want you to be my main meal. Not just a side dish. Not even dessert.

Many people dream of getting married. I dream about running. Will you be my one and only pair of sneakers?"

Hand stitched on antique lace (see Antique fabric and what I'm dreaming of post).

Antique fabric and what I'm dreaming of

I love when my artwork helps bring new friends into my life. Paula Overbay, a fellow artist I met at the recent Affordable Art Fair in New York City passed on to me a wonderful piece of antique, Irish fabric. The piece at left is how I am using this delicate lace.

This piece, when finished, will hold a collection of my aphorisms or "post-it notes;" my small-scale comments on fabric. I think of it as a text quilt.

So far, the piece says:

"I'm mourning the relationship we never had, and thinking

of the ways I would have loved you."

"I don't want to be the girl

you call for homework.

I want to be the girl you

go out with Friday night."

Somehow, as a single 34-yr-old woman, dating still reminds me of how I felt in high school.

 

School girl

"I don't want to be the girl you call for homework. I want to be the girl you go out with Friday night."

Embroidery coming soon.

Synapse

I love the word synapse. When I was in my early 20s, I had just started dating a man 9 years older than me whom I'd met when we shared an office at a non-profit. I found my job tedious, but looked forward to seeing him every day. 

Shortly after he and I started dating, he went on an annual beach vacation with his family. Alone again in New York City, I missed him, and, of course, wondered if he had been thinking about me. 

My most salient memory of that week was going to the Whitney Museum to see Robert Rauschenberg's "Synapsis Shuffle," a piece composed of numerous panels that were to be rearranged or shuffled upon each new installation by a different person or group. For some reason, I found it interesting that Martha Stewart was one of the participants in the Whitney Museum installation.

In any event, I have always loved the sound of the word synapse, which means a small gap where neurotransmitters travel. I like to think of a synapse as a space in a relationship where emotions and information are conveyed, shared, and exchanged. 

In the piece above, I removed some of the warp (vertical) and weft (horizontal) threads to encourage the fabric to fray, and to create larger "synapses."

Piece above: "Synapse." 2009. Embroidery on distressed linen. 4" X 3.5".

"I want to slip into the synapse of your loosely woven threads."

Same Spool of Thread

We Are from the Same Spool of Thread. 2009. embroidery on fabric. 4.75" X 8.25".

I think this man has an incredibly sweet face, and while he  looks 10 years younger than me, his spirit of openness and availability is what I am looking for in a partner. He also seems like he's in pretty good shape (that is always a bonus in a partner).

The text on his body says:

my smile never fades or tires

we are done with dating doldrums

When you're around, all of my hopes are possible. Birds sing and the sun shines.

Our love is an endless warp-you are the warp and I am the weft.

We are an endless spool of thread.

We are interlaced and interwoven.

We are from the same spool of thread.

Less Interested

"The more he talked, the less interested I became." 2009. embroidery on fabric. 1.5" X 3".

Despite my work on "Were I So Besotted," I have been on a dating hiatus for some months as I crammed out artwork, and worked out the ups and downs of past and a recent entanglements. 

My re-entry into dating these past few weeks was somewhat nostalgic. I remembered that I love the anticipation, the first emails or phone calls or text messages that give me hints into a person I may soon get to know. What I dislike is the frustration of sticking out a date when I know within the first 20 minutes that I will not want to see the person again. Sometimes, I know before I even go on the date that I am not interested, and end up going out of a sense of obligation. 

I sense that there are more engaging moments ahead of me. I can't wait.

Mine Again

"He didn't like sweatpants, or my green, fleece bathrobe. I got rid of the sweatpants, and kept the bathrobe.

He liked to make fun of a pair of high-waisted, "grandma" underwear. When he left, I embroidered curlicues on my underwear, and strode around the apartment in it.

I had to learn to make everything that had been ours mine again."

Piece at left - "Mine Again." 2009. Embroidery on fabric. 6" X 10".

More Dates

Piece above: 

"My gallerist told me to go out and have more sexual experiences so I can make more art. Dating with abandon is now part of my job."

More Dates

2009. embroidery on fabric. 2.5" X 3.5"

Sneak Peak

As I mentioned in my last post, this weekend is the culmination of NY's Affordable Art Fair 2009. I volunteered to sit with my gallerist, Muriel Guepin of Shop Art Gallery yesterday. I felt a bit of the magic as I watched some wonderful pieces find homes. I also met two of my own patrons, and got tons of feedback.

I don't know if you've had this experience, but it can be awkward to pose as a gallery assistant while people casually talk about your work, not knowing you're the artist. I was impressed that people spent time reading every word I had stitched, laughed out loud at a lot of my less flattering dating moments, and brought their friends to see my work. 

I tried to find ways to interject myself in conversations without being overbearing or feeling shy. It wasn't easy. In talking about my work, I generated so many new ideas. Thank you art fair visitors! 

Seeing my work sell, and getting reports from Muriel about sales, has made me both ecstatic and sad. I will go so far as to say I feel betrayed by my own artwork. I started the hand stitched portion of "Were I So Besotted" because I was heartbroken. I have continued to stitch stories about men I have been involved with, all the while hoping one would materialize who would be a loving and reasonable partner. Seeing people identify with my work enough to take it home is wonderful. But I am reminded that my search for an emotional home in another person is not resolved. Each stitch I make is a form of wounding and healing fabric, just like dating and starting over.

The image above is the start of a new piece. "He Left Me Because of My Underwear," (or something like that).