Sometimes, my fantasies of a person are as vivid as a relationship. I wonder sometimes if this prevents me from moving on once a relationship has changed or ended? I also know from painful experience that each person experiences a relationship differently. It astounds me that people can stay together for years, like my parents, who are about to hit their 40th anniversary. There must be enough overlap in their perceptions of their daily lives and their deeper spiritual connection for it to work. I have never experienced that, and still feel puzzled by most of my dating experiences. I sometimes feel as if there is no one on the other end. I wonder if this will ever change. I still struggle with feeling like my perceptions of given situations are far from what the man on the other side is experiencing. Does this mean I am too imaginative? Or have I simply met many single yet unavailable men?
Piece at top left: I wear your memories and dance with your ghost.
I really like this quote. I can so relate. I really like your observation that "people experience a relationship differently." This to me makes relationships so confusing. Why can't we all just wear a sign and say this is where I am at and this is what I expect.
ReplyDeleteActually I think it is probably because we do not know how to engage a relationship like others engage a contract that we get burned.
When my husband and I dated...the first time I met him he said that he was not looking to date but looking to get married. I took this as a serious sign, because that was my intentions.
Then he told me that I could date other people if I wanted to...I mean as he was leaving me on that first "date"...we actually had just met at a function and he took me home from it. I told him "no, I couldn't divide my energies that much. If you are not the right one I will let you know soon so we both don't waste our time."
We got married five weeks later. We have been together 24...and we spelled out our expectations of marriage, children, roles for husband, wife, money etc. before we got married as a prerequisite for the pastor to marry us. We were on the same page.
Thanks for sharing your story. It does sound like you and your husband were looking for similar things at the same time, and it has taken you through 24 years...Quite inspiring.
ReplyDeleteI love the name "Quilt Architect," by the way.
You know I read some more of your blog after I posted this...and wished I hadn't said anything. It is a different world out there today and my post may be dated. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteIt didn't feel easy to me then...I had dated some and it didn't go that smoothly before my dh. It seemed that then men were looking for women that could pay their own way..."because what if something happens." as one of my boy friends said. I thought what are you preparing for ...a split.
Well that was then and this is now.
Here is an article that I read this week that you might find interesting.
http://www.henrymakow.com/why_young_men_are_avoiding_mar.html
If you have a chance come over to my blog and see my new book that I made. It is a study book of Joan Miro. I embroidered the front cover with my own design inspired by studying Joan Miro.
www.quiltarchitect.blogspot.com
I like the name to because an architect doesn't just build houses but he also studies the environment, the "grounding", the "plans"...and I saw a lot of room in this to grow as a quilt artist.
Thank you,
I don't think your initial comment was dated. My experiences are colored by my personality, tendencies, and the communities in which I live and interact. Your experiences may very well be echoed within some communities today, just not the ones I participate in.
ReplyDeleteI welcome different points of view. That is part of the impetus for having a blog.
And I really enjoyed seeing the images of your Miro book.